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THE GURU
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The Purge
I finally let myself cry this morning–
it’s always the connections that sneak up on me. I didn’t want to date him–I was just having fun–and I’d spent the last 24-hours convincing myself that our abrupt ending didn’t impact me. ‘We weren’t even serious’, I told myself. ‘We were both talking to other people’, I repeated. And this was true–we hadn’t spoken about exclusivity or future plans moving forward. We weren’t even friends at first, just casual acquaintances who met last October. One day, we hung at my house. It was a casual attempt to see if we could vibe as friends. We played State of Decay on my Xbox for 5 hours and talked about everything our minds came up with. It was free-flowing and authentic. It was genuine and fun. And we both welcomed more visits and quality time afterward. When he first wrapped his arm around me to pull me closer, I felt butterflies. There was something so attractive about this man; how our connection felt like electricity and I didn’t even have to try. Our complex dating lives aside, I was willing to live in the moment. But living in the moment is easy until you have sex. Maybe that’s where we went wrong.
Sex complicates things, especially if one (or both) of you are scared of communicating and expressing your feelings fully. Because of our dating situations and the fact we didn’t plan to feel an emotional + romantic connection, I think we both missed several opportunities to be honest and follow our feelings. I still can’t pinpoint my feelings past the fact I really liked him. I liked him enough to let him come over, to hang with me on my errands, to hear me ugly-laugh, to see me cry. I liked him enough to let him use my shower, to claim my extra toothbrush, to be the first extra body in my bed in a year. I loved our time together–the energy we created together was intoxicating, flooding into my bloodstream like a drug I’d gotten addicted to. Adding the sex to it–the intense eye contact and mutual moaning, the reassurances that we felt so good, the smiles and giggles as we came for each other–it amplified our emotions in a way we weren’t prepared for. There was so much promise in our connection, but perhaps we flew too close to the sun.
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The Mitch Sitch
Welp. I wanted to write a quick Lover’s Profile + story about a man I was briefly ‘dating’, but ended up accidentally writing a riveting tale about a man exposed as a major liar, loser, and manipulator. This is a long read, but will keep you on the edge of your seat. May all Mitch-es have a terrible next 5 years, and may all the bad bitches realize their worth and stick beside it.
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Sept. 2024 newsletter
AHHHHH! My grown and sexy blog's very first newsletter! Here's a quick recap of this month's content, some updates about The Guru, and what's coming up!
Refer to your handbook for a link to The Guru Question Box! Thanks for subscribing to my blog. xoxo -Z
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Tim & Tam: Tea for Three pt. I
You subscribed to this blog for my raw experiences as a polyamorous unicorn--the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Well, here's some bad and ugly.
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The Unicorn Says ‘NO.’
I was supposed to meet a couple for an introductory breakfast date today, but in just a few minutes, they showed me they violated a few points on my list of Unicorn NO-s. Here's the story, and here's the list. Current/future unicorns, tune in.
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Lover Profile #001: ‘S’
I, a polyamorous woman who has dipped her toe in the vast waters of the kink and swingers’ lifestyle, have come across a wide variety of friends, lovers, and acquaintances. They are all so different and all so interesting. Some of them are new to the lifestyle like I am, and some of them are extremely seasoned. I feel it’s something to learn from each of them, and it’s my pleasure to do so. My lovers’ profiles are basically interviews–a little more casual, sure, but I am one to always have a ton of questions. I use these friendships to get the answers along with additional perspective. I love hearing about various experiences, and I take their lessons and add it to my own cesspool of knowledge… kind of like what you’re doing by being a subscriber to this blog.
That being said, every lovers’ profile will be different. There will be different questions, different answers, and different definitions of their lifestyles. There’ll even be different interpretations of their impact in my life. They’ve consented, and I’m happy to do them justice (or not, when applicable) through my words. These profiles are going to reek of authenticity and honesty (my specialty), so if you’re interested in learning the MANY layers and complexities of the lifestyle, this blog topic is for you.
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THE CLUB
The following is a detailed recollection of my experience at my first-ever kink club. Remember, although I am a polyamorous woman, exploring my kinky side is rather new. I’ve been dipping my toes in ‘the lifestyle’, starting with a Black kinky groupchat. I’ll tell you more about that later (it’s the ultimate social experiment), but this piece is strictly dedicated to my experience in the club.
Sit somewhere comfy, prop your legs up, and open your imagination as I walk you through that night.
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poly-theory
Baby, welcome to the circus, and your very first stop in the Guruverse! 😌 Here's a breakdown of this blog, a little taste of what to expect, and a re-introduction of Mama Z the Guru.